it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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