You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
