Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
