Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
