The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
