Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
