plz talk dirty to me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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