I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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