fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
