You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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