My nipple is on Facebook.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
