A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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