He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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