We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
