I just saw a hot homeless man
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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