If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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