I can tuck mytits in my pants
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize