i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
