Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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