So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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