i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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