Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
