Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
