I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
