Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
