he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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