I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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