Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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