she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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