i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
