peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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