Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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