i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
