member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
