I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
