This is not my ceiling
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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