Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize