if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
