Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
