Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
