just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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