I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
