I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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