they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
