I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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