thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
