You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
