I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
