D3 body, D1 cock
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize