he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
