note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
