You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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