who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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