Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
