I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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