My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
