The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
