I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
