he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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