All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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