i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
